Children's whims are perceived by society quite tolerantly - he is small, and when he grows up, he will understand! There is some wisdom in this, since the nervous system of babies really undergoes significant changes in the first years of life; with whims, a baby can “signal” to others his fatigue, tension, dissatisfaction, disagreement with something, his poor physical condition if he is sick.
However, an overly capricious child can undermine the nervous system not only of parents and others, but also of himself.
The famous children's doctor Evgeny Komarovsky tells what to do if a child is capricious, and whether it is possible to correct his behavior.
Where do whims come from?
If a child often freaks out and is capricious, there may be several reasons:
- He feels unwell and is unwell.
- He gets overtired and experiences stress (especially if his whims recur in the evening).
- He is poorly brought up, he throws tantrums because he is used to getting what he wants this way.
Dr. Komarovsky believes that any excessive manifestation of capriciousness is aimed primarily at parents. If the baby has spectators who are affected by his hysterics, he will use this “weapon” every time he needs something or something stops suiting him .
The reasonable actions of parents in this case should be to ignore - a baby who has been denied the opportunity to get his hands into a hot oven or plunge a cat into the toilet can scream and be indignant as much as he wants, mom and dad must be adamant.
It is advisable that all family members, including grandparents, adhere to such tactics. Komarovsky emphasizes that children become tyrants and manipulators almost immediately after they realize that with the help of hysterics they can achieve what is forbidden to them.
Age whims and hysterics
In its development, a child goes through several stages of psychological maturation. The transition from one stage to the next is accompanied by the so-called age crisis. This is a difficult time both for the baby himself and for his parents, since not all, but most children, age crises are accompanied by increased capriciousness and even hysteria.
2-3 years
At this age, the baby begins to recognize himself as a separate person. A period of denial begins, the baby strives to do everything the opposite, becomes stubborn and sometimes capricious for any reason. He seems to be testing the strength of those around him, testing the boundaries of what is permitted. That is why a capricious child at 2 or 3 years old is not at all uncommon. Many children's whims at this age could be avoided if children at the age of 2-3 were able to express emotions well in words. But the limited vocabulary of such a child, as well as the inability and lack of understanding of the principles of describing one’s feelings in words, lead to just such an inadequate reaction.
6-7 years
At this age children usually go to school. A change of team, a new daily routine different from the kindergarten one, and, most importantly, new demands from parents, often depress the child so much that he begins to be capricious and hysterical in protest. The most pronounced hysterics occur in those children who began to practice whims at the age of 2-3, and the parents failed to normalize the child’s behavior in a timely manner.
Whims in infants
In infants, whims, as a rule, have good reasons. The baby does not take the breast, is nervous and cries in the first months of his independent life not from harm, but from unmet needs or physical discomfort.
To begin with, Komarovsky advises making sure that the child has the right conditions for healthy growth - his room is not hot or stuffy.
Often, a baby can be capricious from lack of sleep or vice versa - from excess sleep, from overeating, if parents forcefully feed the baby not when he asks to eat, but when, in their opinion, it is time for dinner. Overeating increases the frequency and intensity of intestinal colic, which causes a lot of unpleasant physical sensations. As a result, the baby becomes capricious.
Quite often, whims accompany the period of teething., but such attacks of crying and whining are temporary, as soon as the child’s condition returns to normal, everything will change, including behavior.
When to see a doctor
Most often, parents take their capricious, disobedient and hysterical child to see a pediatrician with this problem at the age of 4. Until this age, they justify children’s “concerts” by early age-related crises, individual behavioral characteristics, the child’s temperament and other reasons. However, according to Komarovsky, at the age of 4-5 it is already quite difficult to solve a neglected pedagogical problem, which undoubtedly exists.
Parents should be wary of certain features of the child’s behavior during the active phase of hysteria.
If the baby makes a “hysterical bridge”, in which he arches his back and extremely tenses all his muscles, if he experiences holding his breath with loss of consciousness, for her own reassurance it is better for the mother to show the child to a pediatric neurologist and visit a child psychologist.
In general, the physical manifestations of hysteria in a child can be different, including convulsions, clouding of consciousness, and short-term impairment of speech functions. In some cases, such reactions may indicate not only the child’s sensitivity and temperament, but also certain diseases of a neurological and psychiatric nature. If in doubt, go to a specialist doctor. If nothing else happens other than holding your breath while yelling, Komarovsky advises dealing with this simply - you should blow in the face of the hysterical person, he will reflexively stop yelling and take a deep breath, breathing will return to normal.
Do not place excessive demands on your child. His inner feeling that he will not cope with your expectations, resistance to demands that he cannot yet fulfill due to his age, cause a response that manifests itself in hysteria and childish whims.
Follow the daily routine, make sure that the child gets enough rest, does not get overtired, and does not spend too much time at the computer or in front of the TV. If a child has a tendency towards increased capriciousness, the best leisure time for him is active games in the fresh air.
Teach your child to verbalize his emotions and feelings. To do this, from a very early age you should show your child how to do this and regularly practice simple exercises. “I’m upset because I can’t draw an elephant,” “When there’s a thunderstorm, I’m very scared,” “When I’m afraid, I want to hide,” and so on. By the age of three or four, this will help the child form the habit of speaking in words about what he needs, what does not suit him, and not throwing tantrums with screams and screams.
If they can steadfastly withstand the first stage, when they need to ignore the hysteria, without showing that it in any way touches the adults, then soon there will be silence and harmony in the house, the child will quickly remember at the reflex level that hysteria is not a way out or a way, which means it doesn’t make the slightest sense.
Work out a system of prohibitions and make sure that what is prohibited is always prohibited. Any exceptions to the rules are another reason for subsequent hysteria.
If a child is prone to violent hysterics, banging his head on the floor and walls, it is necessary to protect him from possible injuries. If we are talking about a child 1-2 years old, Komarovsky advises limiting the hysteria within the playpen. If an attack begins, you should put the child in the playpen and leave the room for a while. The absence of spectators will make the hysteria short-lived, and the child will not physically be able to harm himself in the playpen.
An addition to the family is a great happiness for parents. When the birth goes well and the child develops according to age norms, the mother is rarely bothered by the child’s capriciousness. Parents cannot get enough of it when the baby grows up calm and flexible. Moms and dads get used to it, and it seems to them that it will always be like this. But suddenly everything changes. The child began to be capricious, often cries, and cannot be persuaded. This often happens towards the end of the first year of life. Why is this happening?
Whims of children under 1 year
To understand whether a child under the age of 1 year can be capricious, we suggest understanding the psychological characteristics of the baby’s development:
- Newborn crisis
The crisis manifests itself between birth and 2 months. This is a very important stage in the development of a child. And the timely occurrence of a crisis is the norm. Your child should react to the approach of an adult, make sounds (vocalizations) when communicating with his mother, and respond with a smile. Weight loss is the main sign of crisis.
- Infancy
This is the second stage of development of a child up to one year old. Most often it appears from the second month to a year. At this time, the baby communicates through emotions. And it is important for parents to pay great attention to communication. Gradually, the baby utters its first words and explores the world through actions with objects in the environment.
Crying and babbling during this period indicate a desire to establish contact with an adult. And when the child begins to speak independently, the crisis is over.
Having studied the most important psychological characteristics of children during this period of development, we will try to figure out whether the whims of a child under one year of age carry something serious.
What are whims? Can a newborn baby be naughty?
Whims mean various whims and stubbornness. At an early age, the child’s basic needs and feelings of discomfort are hidden under the guise of whim. Sometimes, when mothers call their baby under the age of one year capricious, they misinterpret the definition itself. After all, a child’s crying and restlessness at such a tender age is the only way to communicate with family. There are no words in their arsenal, gestures are also still poorly expressed - all that remains is to roar. And there may be several reasons for frustration. The first, natural ones - the child wants to eat, his diapers are wet, or he is cold. It is also possible that the baby asks for help when something hurts. A caring mother will immediately help the baby.
It often happens that a joyful and festive day spent brightly with the baby ends in the child’s whims and tears. He refuses to fall asleep, is overly agitated and difficult to calm down. This behavior for children 10-18 months old is the result of nervous overstrain that they experienced. Their tears are a natural way to relieve stress at this age. After all, a noisy company, new faces, bright colors and unusual sounds - all this turned out to be stressful for the baby. That's why he gets irritated, cries, and is capricious. In such a situation, it is necessary to show maximum care and patience to the child. You won't be able to make him calm down by shouting and threatening him. It’s better to hold the child close to you, carry him in your arms, and do pleasant procedures for him: bathe him in a warm bath or have a light massage session. All this will help the baby relax and calm down faster.
Similar worries and whims may arise in a child in another situation, when parental prohibitions come into force. For almost a year, the baby was limited to the walls of a playpen or stroller; he was surrounded only by familiar things. As a child develops, he or she develops needs to learn new things. He didn't know anything else and was content with that.
Crawling and making his first attempts to get up from the floor and walk on his own, he thereby expands his horizons and learns a lot of new things. Not understanding the danger of surrounding objects, the baby explores everything with interest. He has a natural desire not only to examine, but also to touch with his hands, test for strength and taste a new object. This behavior certainly provokes a reaction from parents. And most often it is of a forbidden nature in the form of shouting and taking away the thing you like.
They raised their voices, took away the “tsatsu” and even took him away from the interesting place back to the playpen. In this case, how can the child express his indignation and desire to continue research in the new world? Only by screaming. For now, this is the only thing he can do to attract attention to himself and his natural need to learn new things. No compromises in the form of old toys or pacifiers suit him.
Leave to the discoverer something that will bring him joy. Something that can be moved, stacked, or will allow you to extract new sounds from objects. After all, unsightly empty boxes, lids, saucepans and ladles are much more interesting than bright, but already boring toys.
Another reason for a child’s sudden irritation may be difficulties in developing speech. The baby is growing, but his speech does not keep up with his development. New desires to do something or attempts to convey their emotions result in mooing or stretching out their hands. Parents do not understand his “hints” and do not come to help. How, besides words, can you draw attention to yourself and the problem that has arisen? Again children's screams and whims. They may manifest themselves in the refusal of the usual bathing or using the potty, to which the child is already accustomed. Everything that was previously pleasant to the baby and he willingly accepted it, can now cause him dissatisfaction.
The most effective remedy in this situation is time. You should not scold your child for his whim and insist on your own. Give him time to forget about the unpleasant incident and after a while, repeat your attempts.
Note to moms!
Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me too, and I’ll also write about it))) But there’s nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too...
How to overcome children's whims
With all his behavior, the child shows that he expects understanding from adults. Changes in a child’s behavior sometimes confuse adults and make them want to immediately stop the outrage and whims.
Whims, screaming and crying are not ordinary disgraces that should be stopped immediately. This is another signal from the child that he is waiting for understanding and reaction from adults. He is looking for a way to control his parents to get what he wants. Everything is used: screams, tears, biting, hair pulling, fighting. And if it works, then this behavior will become the norm, and the child will solve his problems only in this way. This cannot be allowed. And if you don’t react to incorrect behavior and show your baby that you won’t achieve anything by whims, then he will begin to change and stop crying and being capricious.
In some situations, learn not to pay attention to the child. Sometimes this is the best solution to the issue. A child may stop fussing and crying more quickly if there are no people nearby trying to calm him down. The presence of spectators and sympathizers only intensifies the whims and crying of the baby. After all, even some adults like to “perform” in public, let alone children.
- Many parents are mistaken in believing that the baby needs to be caressed and carried more. It is not true! Most often, children who are surrounded by excessive affection become capricious. Psychologists advise not to go to extremes. Yes, the baby needs your attention and affection, however, he must also understand that mom and dad cannot carry him in their arms 24 hours a day. They also have their own needs;
- Permissiveness and unlimitedness. From a very early age, a child should know words “No”, “No”, “Stop” . This will be an additional incentive for the baby to be disciplined in the future. The presence of these concepts in education will save both the baby and the parents from unnecessary whims. (Reading on the topic: ) ;
- The constant attention of elders often becomes the cause of children's whims. By nature, a child cannot communicate exclusively with elders. He begins to get tired of the obsessive behavior of adults. Give your little one more freedom. Let him play by himself, take a walk outside with other mothers, talk to them. And the kids will exchange gestures and smiles with each other in the stroller;
- Don't go overboard with the previous point. A complete lack of attention will also negatively affect the psychological and emotional state of the baby. With screams and whims, he will demand the attention of loved ones;
- Inconsistency and lack of unity of requirements interfere with the child’s adaptation to the world around him. To avoid this, agree with relatives on a single line of upbringing. Watch your attitude towards your child. If you allowed something yesterday and forbade it today, then you need to explain to your child why you are doing this. Regardless of the fact that he is still very small. He will understand everything on an emotional level.
- The most popular whim is in the evening, when it’s time to go to bed. The baby just can’t understand why, instead of an interesting game of football with dad, he has to sleep. To make evening whims a thing of the past, an hour before bedtime, cancel all outdoor games - let it be reading a book or watching a cartoon. By the way, children’s programs like “Good night, kids” are very useful in this case - they act as a signal for sleep.
What should the parents' reaction be?
For example:“Little Vova reached into the closet and took out a glass decanter. The kid doesn't know how to use it. Vovochka dropped the decanter. He crashed."
What should a mother do?
A bad example would be shouting and swearing at a child! It's better to do this: “Vovochka, I was so scared! I was very, very upset! You could get hurt, then I would cry for a long time (grimaces)! Please remember that touching my things without permission is prohibited!” The last phrase is pronounced in a stern voice, indicating a prohibition.
There are many such examples. Remember that your child’s whims largely depend on you. (now we are not talking about when something bothers the baby). The most difficult time in raising a child under one year old is the first month. It is completely normal for a newborn baby to cry and be capricious just like that for up to two hours a day. Don't worry, every month you will understand your baby more and more. Love your capricious baby!
From the forums: how to respond to the whims of a child under one year old?
Lyuba Melnik: God bless you, what vagaries at this age. You need to understand the child, if, as they say, such a child is capricious, then there is a serious reason: he feels unwell, is anxious, is hungry.
Nellie: The child is not capricious, he either gives you a sign that he has a problem somewhere or attracts your attention, since he cannot tell yet.
Alyonushka: Well, what kind of whims are these? the child is not even a year old. he is capricious because something is bothering him. he just can't say.
list: kiss him, hold him close, carry him in his arms, be with him always and enjoy everything he does...
Vinakova: Children under one year old are not capricious and certainly do not “work for the public”! They give signals that something is bothering them. We big aunts and uncles sometimes feel uncomfortable and want to cry to someone, what can we say about the kids who know nothing about this world? And how to cope with what worries you - cry, of course!
Iris:Patiently figure out what the reason is. Babies don’t do things to spite us - if she whines or is capricious, it means something is wrong: she wants to eat, drink, sleep, play with mom, something hurts, she reacts to the weather, etc. Sometimes, of course, she’s nervous They can’t stand it, but we need to control ourselves…. the more nervous and irritated we are, the more the child cries….
Lelya:I believe that you can’t always flow to a child. You have to give it to him and shout. When my son starts crying about what he is not given or when something is forbidden, I still insist on my opinion. He screams, sees and understands that he has not achieved anything with his scream and next time he will be more calm about the prohibitions. Children are very cunning and smart. They very quickly realize that they can manipulate adults and immediately begin to take advantage of it. We must not allow the child to become the master of the situation!
Verunchik: In my opinion, a baby under one year old still does not know how to be mischievous and act out whims. If a baby is crying, it means he is really worried about something. My son just doesn’t know how to cry out of spite, he’s 1 year 3 months old.
Children's whims are completely natural. You can encounter them not only in relationships with children, but also when communicating with adults. The causes of children's whims are often the dissatisfaction of the children themselves, who are indignant because of current events and the behavior of their parents. Psychologists will tell you how to deal with such manifestations.
Whims mean dissatisfaction when a child cries, screams, stomps his feet, waves his arms, etc. If we compare whims with child hysteria, we can note the difference: whims are a milder indignation of a child than hysteria. Moreover, moodiness can manifest itself in a mild form, while tantrums are often a more severe form of behavior.
A child is not born capricious, but becomes. All children become capricious at different ages. The younger they are, the more susceptible they are to capricious behavior. For some, this quality is not fixed, while others continue to remain capricious even in adulthood. In order not to develop capricious behavior in your child, which he will constantly resort to, you should seek the help of a psychologist on the website.
What are children's whims?
People often confuse whims and hysterics. However, these are different concepts. What are children's whims? This is the child's crying, screaming and irritability, which is often a reaction to some irritant. If hysteria can be attributed to a theatrical performance, when a child deliberately exaggerates his experiences, then during a whim a child can cry, refuse something, turn up his nose not because of his whim, but for objective reasons.
Children's capriciousness may be the result of some kind of disorder or painful condition of the child. Often children become especially moody when they are sick, hungry or have trouble sleeping. Perhaps even an adult becomes capricious to some extent when he feels discomfort inside his body or in the environment.
However, it should also be noted that children’s manipulative capricious behavior is when the child deliberately begins to cry, scream, be offended, etc. Parents should look at what preceded such behavior of the child. If a child suddenly begins to act up, then you should understand the reasons for his behavior. If he began to act up after they refused to buy him a toy or did not take him to his favorite playground, then you should understand that hysterical behavior is manifested here.
Parents are often forced to deny their child many things, both for objective reasons (for example, there is no money) and for educational purposes. Here the child begins to be capricious, not wanting to accept the fact that his needs and desires are not being met. How to behave in such a situation?
- Do not think badly about yourself and the child. Some begin to think that they have bad children, others that they are bad parents. You should forget about such thoughts. Neither you nor your children are bad. It is necessary to understand the situation and correct it.
- Ignore. If the child’s whims are aimed at encouraging the parents to do everything the way the child wants, they should be ignored and not paid attention. The fewer spectators, the shorter the child will be capricious.
- Be patient. If you had objective reasons to refuse your child, then remember them. The baby will cry and stop. Show him that not all wishes will be fulfilled at his first request. If something can be implemented for him, then tell him how it can be done without being capricious.
Causes of children's whims
Children's whims have many reasons for their appearance. If you are attentive parents, you can identify them.
- These can be various diseases. Especially small children, who cannot yet express their feelings and experiences, tell adults through their behavior that something bad is happening to them. For example, fever, nausea or pain inside the body cause children to behave inappropriately. They may be inhibited, protest, inconsistent or contradictory in their actions. Parents need to observe their children to determine the reasons for their behavior.
- It could be bad upbringing. It may consist in the fact that the parents allow the child everything or, on the contrary, treat him rudely and harshly. The most dangerous upbringing becomes where each parent contradicts each other with their measures. For example, the father behaves harshly with the children, and the mother allows them everything.
- If a child is allowed to do everything, then he simply will not recognize the boundaries and the word “not allowed.” Every time he is faced with a situation where something is forbidden to him, he will behave inappropriately. He will be indignant about some prohibitions.
- If a child is prohibited and restricted from everything, then he becomes maladapted. At first he tries to live within the framework and rules that his parents established, and then a protest arises - to do everything in defiance. This causes a negative reaction from parents, who tighten their measures even more. This leads to moodiness.
- This may be a reflection of the situation within the family. Capricious children often grow up in families where relatives constantly quarrel, demand a lot from their children, do not pay attention to them, etc. Only a psychologist can identify what exactly in the family provokes capricious behavior in children.
- It could be stubbornness or curiosity. Children show whims either in defiance of their parents (showing self-will, stubbornness, disobedience), or as curiosity (a desire to explore the world around them, from which the parents fence the child off).
- This can be a manifestation of independence. From an early age, the child begins to say “I myself!”, which indicates his desire to cope with the task, to do the work himself. If his parents do not hear his wishes in this matter, he will naturally become capricious, since his parents invade his personal territory and prevent him from growing up.
If a child is naughty, factors that preceded his behavior should be noted. This will help to identify the true reasons for capriciousness and understand whether he is really trying to manipulate others or is simply inquisitive and wants to become independent.
In any case, you should not pay attention to whims. They should not be indulged, otherwise they will be attached to the child for life.
Children's whims and hysterics
A frequent manifestation of children's hysteria or whims is the behavior of a child whose parents refused to buy a new toy. Here begins loud crying, screaming, falling to the floor, etc. Many people could observe this hysteria, which often manifests itself in children at a young age.
At the age of 1-2 years, the child is just beginning to try different behavior patterns. Whims and hysterics become natural at this age. The child resorts to them because he tries and observes what will help him in a given situation. This is why parents are advised to ignore tantrums and whims so that they do not become attached to the baby.
Already at the age of 4, behavior changes. Only with indulgence or disturbances in the nervous system does the child continue to be capricious and hysterical. This causes anxiety, nervousness and even anger at the baby in the parents, who themselves became the main factors in the development of such behavior in him.
Psychologists advise learning to correctly analyze when a child is hysterical because he wants to manipulate, and when he really needs something important. You should not react unambiguously to whims, since the child may simply resort to the wrong model of behavior.
Children's hysterics should also be distinguished from whims:
- Whims are a manifestation of protest against what is currently prohibited or inaccessible to the child. They can last for a short period of time and for a day, a week, even a month.
- Tantrums are theatrical performances that children act out brightly and loudly. The kid works for the public, intensifying his hysterics if others pay attention to his hysterics. If the audience disperses and does not react, then the baby stops the hysteria. It is a response to unpleasant news or insult.
How to deal with children's whims?
It is easier to prevent children's whims than to deal with the question of how to deal with them. That is why psychologists advise first creating a favorable environment for the child, communicating calmly with him, and also protecting him from overwork, hypothermia, overheating, starvation and other physiological reasons. Even an adult will be capricious when he feels bad and uncomfortable. Sometimes eliminating these factors already helps in solving the problem.
Tantrums and whims are characteristic of children, but they should not be indulged, so that the child does not understand that they should be resorted to at the first refusal or dissatisfaction of his desires.
- Stand your ground. If you have ever said “no,” you must keep your word, regardless of the child’s behavior.
- Clearly specify the list of prohibited things. The child must understand what he “isn’t allowed to do” and see that his parents do not fall for his whims and do not change their minds.
- Continue with your business while your baby screams. He must see that his parents do not respond to his tantrums, so he should stop them.
It is forbidden to console, caress or cooze with a child. This will only confirm the baby’s behavior. You should not leave your baby alone for a long time, but remain calm. The situation is quite normal. Your baby is healthy and everything is fine with him. He will cry, scream and stop. Be sure that everything happens as it should.
Always reward your child for behavior that you like. He must clearly note that there are behaviors for which he is rewarded, and actions that are ignored do not give him happiness and pleasure.
Bottom line
Raising a little baby is very difficult, because he still does not understand much and acts instinctively. Whims and hysterics are a kind of instincts when a child resorts to primitive forms of his indignation and protest. For now, it is through such actions that he can express his inner feelings. If parents use the recommendations of psychologists, they will come to a positive result.
The forecast of educational measures is unpredictable. However, the following is known: if both parents act gradually and together, then their child will soon stop his whims and begin to cultivate a different model of behavior that is acceptable to the parents and, accordingly, to the society in which all people live.
Every child, even the most obedient one, from time to time turns from an angel into a little monster. He gets irritated, nervous, and constantly repeats: “I don’t want to! I won't! I do not like! Don’t...” And each new “don’t” increases the temperature, and your nervous system gradually boils.
Intellectually, you understand that an explosion of emotions will not lead to anything good, but the next whim works as a catalyst, and, like Mentos thrown into a glass of Coca-Cola, it turns the smooth surface into a splashing fountain. This makes it bad for both children and adults.
What to do? Where do you get patience? How to prevent conflicts with such dear and loved ones, with our children?
You can’t scold, you can’t understand
When you feel like your patience is running out, tell yourself “stop.” Take a few deep breaths (preferably holding your breath for a few seconds). And after that, try to determine the cause of the baby’s nervous state. And then eliminate it. In most cases, you can easily prevent conflict.
As a rule, a child does not behave as you expect, not because he wants to harm, but because he has reasons for this. No need to scold him. It is possible that he refuses to do as you want due to the high temperature. Or he is thirsty. Or maybe the shadows on the wall scared him.
Causes of children's irritability
1. Too much unspent energy has accumulated
If a child has been without active movement for a long time, for example, watching a play or sitting motionless while moving in a car, he definitely needs to throw out everything that has accumulated during this time. It is unnatural for a child to remain in a static position for a long time. He is like a river that is raging and must be in motion.
What to do. Give him the opportunity to run, jump, climb. Any physical exercise will help relieve this type of tension.
2. The child is excited and experiencing unpleasant emotions
The baby may get scared, and you won’t even notice it. Or angry, or worried about something. And, of course, all these emotions will break out in the form of a bad mood. Not every adult is able to control their feelings and not splash out negativity on others. What can we say about children?
Despite the fact that children’s reasons for frustration often seem frivolous to adults, they need to treat them carefully and respectfully. You shouldn’t convince your child that this is nothing. Since the reason caused such a reaction, it means it deserves attention.
What to do. Tell him you understand him. That you would also be scared (angry) and maybe even more so. And then try to switch his attention to something positive.
3. The child is hungry or thirsty
It would seem that it could be simpler - to understand that your baby is hungry. But the main difficulty is that not all children are aware of the desire to eat or drink. They feel discomfort but don't understand why.
What to do. Regularly ask, offer, and sometimes insist. Especially it concerns .
4. The child is tired
There are many reasons why children are tired. In addition to physical ones (long walks or long active games), there are also emotional ones. The child gets tired if he is not interested in what is happening or if the action lasts for a very long time. Also, the child may become tired from an excess of positive emotions. Often parents are at a loss if, after visiting an amusement park, ice cream and all kinds of entertainment, the child growls and gets angry. And the answer is simple: a lot of good things are also bad.
What to do. It is necessary to give the child the opportunity to rest or switch from one type of activity to another.
5. The child got sick
Sometimes it happens that in the morning the baby is cheerful and sociable. And then suddenly everything changes, as if a switch was suddenly switched. He begins to be capricious, cry, resist.
What to do. Take a closer look at the baby. Touch your forehead, take your temperature and, if necessary, consult a doctor.
6. The child wants to insist on his own
Everyone wants to feel important, including children. Even the smallest ones are already individuals with their own opinions and views. Children want to manage the situation at least occasionally and make their own decisions. Where to go, what to wear, what toys to take with you, what route to take, what to order in a cafe. This improves their self-esteem.
What to do. Agree with your child if this is not important to you. If you cannot accept what the child insists on, explain why.
7. Child copies adults
Each person is unique, with their own set of qualities, and no two people are alike. But the environment corrects us, like sea water and stones. Unconsciously, we imitate each other and become similar.
I once heard about an experiment conducted by American psychologists. Two people in a good mood were invited into an isolated room. They met and started communicating. A third person entered the room - in a bad mood. He silently sat down on an empty chair and did not show himself in any way. Didn't move, didn't talk, didn't take part in the conversation. However, soon the mood of the other two participants in the experiment soured.
For children, family and close surroundings are like such a room. If mom and dad are irritated, nervous or angry, then the child will very soon do the same. Children are sensitive to our moods, they absorb everything.
What to do. Take care of yourself and control your emotions.
Sometimes it happens that children demand constant attention to themselves, pester and do not allow a step to be taken without them.
Here are the most common reasons for this behavior:
It is important to distinguish a reasonable demand from a whim and act accordingly. If your child selfishly demands that the world revolve only around him, explain that he is wrong. He must take into account the interests of all family members just as they do.
In a conflict situation, always start with an explanation and, if possible, give a choice. Only then can the child be forced. Sometimes you have to scold, but this should be done as a last resort.
When you explain something to children, it is important to make sure that they understand you correctly and that you mean the same thing.
One day we were getting ready to go to the sea. We decided in the evening and left in the morning. They told our three-year-old son about the trip already in the car, because they didn’t want to upset him if something went wrong.
Hearing that we were going to the sea for four days, my son began to cry and shout: “I don’t want to! Turn back! We're going home!" We stopped in confusion near a roadside cafe. He ate the cake, ran around, and calmed down a little. Then we agreed that we would go to the sea and just look at it. If he doesn’t like it there, we immediately turn back.
And when we arrived at the place and checked into the apartment, the child’s mood changed dramatically. He began to have fun, hum, took toys out of his backpack and began to lay them out. And then it turned out that my son decided that we would live near the sea on the sand, like the characters in the cartoon he had recently watched. And this scared him very much. And we settled in a house with beds, and he was quite happy with this kind of rest. For us, this incident became a good lesson: we must always clarify whether we understand each other correctly.
If the situation is heating up and your patience is about to run out, try to pause before scolding your child. Count to ten. Ask yourself: “Why? Who will benefit from this?
And learn. Do this rarely, but firmly. Say that you understand his desire, and then explain briefly and clearly why you cannot do what he wants now. The child will understand. If he continues to insist (which children often do), use his own techniques. Just repeat: “No, no, no.”
Parents often get annoyed because their child constantly cries and is naughty, and generally behaves incorrectly. They cannot understand his actions and explain why he does what he does. The family begins to talk about the child's uncontrollability and disobedience. And also, they often begin to stick labels on them, according to which the baby begins to behave this way. Conflicts arise with the child. And as he gets older, this problem only gets worse.
Let us immediately note that pranks, whims and other irritable behavior are significantly different behavioral manifestations, each of which is worth separate consideration. However, such children's non-standard behavior causes approximately the same reactions from parents.
Therefore, we will discuss the child’s whims and why they arise, how parents react to this, and also what to do to avoid similar problems in the future.
Child behavior. Expectation and reality
Each of us has our own idea of correct behavior. According to these ideas, we expect that the child will behave (or, conversely, NOT behave) in a certain way. For example:
- We want him to eat this particular dish and right now.
- He played quietly in the room, instead of running around the apartment pretending to be a horse.
And when a child’s behavior goes beyond our understanding of its correctness, we begin. After all, this is not planned and unexpected for us. This is one of the main reasons for our irritation and reaction to the child’s behavior.
Your own childhood experience is of great importance in raising children. We often react to our own children the way our parents reacted to us when we were little. We repeat both the statements and behavior of our parents in our relationships with our children. Often this happens unconsciously, although we would not like it to. Remember how your parents reacted to your antics and whims as a child. In the future, this will help you control your own emotions.
In certain situations, we react to the child’s non-standard behavior in the way that the environment expects it from us, that is, in accordance with social norms and requirements. Society expects us to judge the child and give angry lectures that are inappropriate. At such moments, the child feels negativity towards himself from his parents. In fact, he is left without the protection and support of his family.
Why is a child capricious?
There are several reasons for a child's annoying behavior.
- Desire to attract parents' attention
- Fatigue (for example, due to lack of sleep or irregular daily routine)
- Permissiveness
- Common childhood curiosity
- Sometimes this behavior can occur when a child does not get what he wants from an adult.
Due to preoccupation with work, household chores or fatigue, we spend little time with our kids. Even if you are with your child all day, he can still feel our detachment. After all, what are we doing at home? We cook, clean, hang out on the Internet or are in our own thoughts. That is why the child tries to attract attention to himself and win love through whims. And in response to this, we become irritated, angry, and sometimes show indifference to our child. We often try to transfer the problem that has arisen to our partner according to the principle: “Do something! Figure it out! As a result, the problem is only getting worse.
Or imagine a situation: dad decided to repair some household appliance. While he turned away, the child began to sort through the details with interest. The father’s reaction to the baby is violent: “Why are you doing this?!” Who asked you?! What have you done?! Put it down immediately and don’t come any more!”
This behavior of the child was caused, first of all, by interest and the desire to learn something new. Therefore, in this situation, it is better to tell the kids about the household appliance itself and what it is intended for, about the rules of conduct for such a disassembled appliance, about possible dangers (if any), but not to intimidate. In the future, try to constantly talk with your child about the rules of behavior in general, in certain places, as well as with tools and devices, especially if they are dangerous (sharp, piercing, fragile, unstable).
What to do if your child is naughty
In non-standard situations it is bad for both parents and child. That is why it is important to learn how to respond to them. To begin with, you should calm down by taking a deep breath and exhaling to prevent the development and intensification of your own emotions and irritation. And if the situation poses a danger to the child, then first try to eliminate this danger.
In such situations, the baby feels bad and needs your support and understanding. Therefore, try to put yourself in his place and imagine what he is experiencing at that moment. Avoid phrases; “Don’t scream!”, “Don’t cry!”, “Don’t be capricious!”. Your demands will not improve the situation. And a ban, for example, on crying, will lead to the suppression of emotions and the emergence of psychosomatic problems.
Psychosomatic diseases (from ancient Greek ψυχή - soul and σῶμα - body) are a group of painful conditions that appear as a result of the interaction of mental and physiological factors. They are mental disorders that manifest themselves at the physiological level, physiological disorders that manifest themselves at the mental level, or physiological pathologies that develop under the influence of psychogenic factors.
These are diseases that, as people say, arise from nerves.